I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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