did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
