Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
