he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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