My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
