I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
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She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
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If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Success! We fucked roommates!
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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