i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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