I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
