Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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