so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
