Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
