I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
