So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
It's Friday. Sex?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
