I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
