He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
