It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
