I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
