I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
