i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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