is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
this boner is exhausting
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
