ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
