you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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