And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
