Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
