i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
