Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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