my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
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