I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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