went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
