I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
