My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
