I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
