We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
