My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
