Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
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