its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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