so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
