What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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