Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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