Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
