Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize