Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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