My cat gives me a boner
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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