She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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