true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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