There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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