Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
