your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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