My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
