I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
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