K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
