the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
