Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
