I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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