Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
