The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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