I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I have aggressive nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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