So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
