Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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