do herpes really smell.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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