I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
