its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
this just has baby written all over it
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Congratulations! We have a period
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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