Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
