mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
This house was built for laser tag.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
you never un-have a 4some
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