I'm so fucking centered right now
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
smell my finger.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
