o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
