I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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