My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
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