it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
