I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
