first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
