Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
