we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
