so that wasnt chicken after all
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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