i jhust puked up my retainher.
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
There's a naked man in my car right now.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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