just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
zippers are such a cool invention
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
