Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
