i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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