Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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