I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
