none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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