And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
My sheets look like a crime scene.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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