I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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