do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
